Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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