im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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