dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize