my cup is half full, half full of rum.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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