my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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