We won't sleep together?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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