He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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