We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
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"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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