My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
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I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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