im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
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I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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