is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
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also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
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I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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