Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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