I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
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What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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