I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
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He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
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The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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