dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
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Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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