Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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