i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I AM VODKA MAN
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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