Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
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I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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