Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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