sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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