I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize