i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize