Heybabeimwearingurpanties
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
