Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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