And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize