i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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