My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize