I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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