if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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