made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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