I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize