So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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