maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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