There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
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So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
FUCK WHALES
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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