The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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