Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
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They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
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She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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