I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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