My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
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I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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