guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
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possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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