the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
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I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
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Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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