Your favorite bartender is back from prision
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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