Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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