At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize