just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
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Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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