god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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