dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
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We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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