I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize