I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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