This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
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i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
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My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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