Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize