2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize